Start Weight: 225lbs (10/2009) Goal Weight: 150lbs

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Questioning myself..

Okay, this isn't going to be a real deep post .. ..but this is mother-freakin hard..

and your saying to yourself "I know.. you wrote that yesterday.." with a roll of the eyes..

I'm just putting my feelings and all things real here.. I don't want to scare anyone that hasn't gone through this..because I really in my heart believe that everyone that goes through the whole band process.. does it a smidgen different from everyone else.

And I'm not even banded yet!

I've heard that this is the hardest part of the journey and I really in my heart believe that (might change my mind after the surgery..but it's what I believe right now) ..

I really thought all along that I would have NO problems at all sticking with the protein shakes 3x a day and breeze through 11 days of the Pre-Op diet..

I even kept holding on to that faith during the first few days after feeling cruddy from the lack of carbs and I thought I had crawled over the carb hump..And I still think I made it past that part ..but the headaches didn't go away and I just felt generally crummy..

I just wanted real food.. nothing crazy.. not the doughnuts at my son's party, or the KFC that my husband brought home for lunch yesterday ..but just something warm and healthy and some-what satisfying.

I know I posted about about struggling with wanting to eat a lean cuisine and you ladies were great with trying to talk me off the ledge of food.. but the lean cuisine won.. (don't hate me!!)

I did a lot of reading on LBT and it seemed like the point of a Pre-Op was to lower your carbs and that's what really helped your liver.. (well, this is what made me feel like I wasn't drowning my pre-op woes in a Big Mac) .. so I had a yummy ..filling..satisfiying lean cuisine ..and my headache went away .. and I just felt "better'" last night.

I think I'll confess to my surgeons office in the a.m .. I don't want to waste anyones time by not telling them and having a fat filled liver ..or something crazy like that..

I'm having one last lean cuisine tonight for dinner and then Monday/Tuesday shakes..Wednesday is the surgery..

This whole thing (the past two days) have been so emotional and upsetting to me.. I was questioning my choice to have the band .. my lack of control over needing food vs. shakes..and could I even do this..

My husband has been great and he's told me a number of times how well I've done and that he wouldn't have lasted one day ;0)

All the planning/thinking about it/waiting and waiting..did not prepare me for feeling so unsure of myself and decisions..

I hope after Wednesday I can put this dreaded 11days behind me and feel like a semi-stronger person..

Thanks again for the love yesterday .. I know nobody else can understand half of what I'm saying other than you peeps..



  1. Kristen, I really wasn't prepared for how emotionally difficult the band process is. People tell you, but hearing it and experiencing it are two different things. It helped me to hear that 1) I wasn't the only one who felt that way; and 2) things get much, much easier and better as time goes on. Do your best, cope however you can and don't lose too much sleep over it. Hang in there.

  2. You know what? On my pre-op...I CHEATED. it's ok. My liver was still fine for surgery and everything went smoothly. We are all human and these feelings are normal. It's not like you ate an entire box of Girl Scot Cookies followed by a papa John's pizza. You are doing fine...relax and breathe and know all is well!! :)

  3. ditto to everything kristin and steph said!
    the word "cheatiing" is evil...i "cheated" on mine too, with a plate of lettuce, freaking LETTUCE lol my doctor laughed in my face when i told him :-)
    "keep calm and carry on" :-)

  4. When I was doing the pre-op phase I hated everyone who could eat. I didn't want to be around anyone who was eating. I can honestly say that it was awful.

    You are doing a great job. You can't expect to change everything overnite, this phase speaks nothing to how "stong" you are.

  5. You are doing fine. If it was me, I would go with the Lean Cuisine as well - because I know MANY other doctors allow a diet with at least one meal a day, and you will lose weight on a diet of 2 shakes plus a LC!

    You are doing just fine, and this will be over so soon! Feel better!

  6. Looks like everyone cheats a little during this process and it can't be the end of the world. I'm not encouraging it...I just don't want us to beat up ourselves about it.
    How else would there be so many variations on the pre-op diet...some people (like me) doing 14 days of slim-fasts only...(I'm on day 7 and yes I've slipped here and there)...some people (like you) have to do 11 days...some one week and others I've read were just 3 days. And these requirements are sweeping for each program rather than being based on your BMI or even weight. How does that make any sense???
    Maybe this will make you feel have only 2 days to go and I have 7...including another weekend, which sucks.
    Hang in're almost home.

  7. I was supposed to do a 4 wk pre-op diet but only did a little over 2 and a half weeks! But I did follow the diet almost to a tee, until the night before Surgery.

    But I had already lost more than the Doctor required for Surgery, so we went out to The Outback, and I had a Fillet Mignon and it was so good! But long story short, very few of us followed the diet exactly, and we are all ok!

    So don't beat yourself up about the Lean Cuisine, you did well. These Doctors don't realize that a small amount of real food is what we need sometimes.

    So whenever I see that someone is really struggling and having headaches, etc, I always advise that they actually do eat something.

    Then go on with the diet, the Doctor will never know so long as you don't make a point of doing it often, and you don't lose the weight or shrink the liver!!

  8. My pre-op diet includes a lean cuisine dinner every night. You should be fine!