Okay, this isn't going to be a real deep post .. ..but this is mother-freakin hard..
and your saying to yourself "I know.. you wrote that yesterday.." with a roll of the eyes..
I'm just putting my feelings and all things real here.. I don't want to scare anyone that hasn't gone through this..because I really in my heart believe that everyone that goes through the whole band process.. does it a smidgen different from everyone else.
And I'm not even banded yet!
I've heard that this is the hardest part of the journey and I really in my heart believe that (might change my mind after the surgery..but it's what I believe right now) ..
I really thought all along that I would have NO problems at all sticking with the protein shakes 3x a day and breeze through 11 days of the Pre-Op diet..
I even kept holding on to that faith during the first few days after feeling cruddy from the lack of carbs and I thought I had crawled over the carb hump..And I still think I made it past that part ..but the headaches didn't go away and I just felt generally crummy..
I just wanted real food.. nothing crazy.. not the doughnuts at my son's party, or the KFC that my husband brought home for lunch yesterday ..but just something warm and healthy and some-what satisfying.
I know I posted about about struggling with wanting to eat a lean cuisine and you ladies were great with trying to talk me off the ledge of food.. but the lean cuisine won.. (don't hate me!!)
I did a lot of reading on LBT and it seemed like the point of a Pre-Op was to lower your carbs and that's what really helped your liver.. (well, this is what made me feel like I wasn't drowning my pre-op woes in a Big Mac) .. so I had a yummy ..filling..satisfiying lean cuisine ..and my headache went away .. and I just felt "better'" last night.
I think I'll confess to my surgeons office in the a.m .. I don't want to waste anyones time by not telling them and having a fat filled liver ..or something crazy like that..
I'm having one last lean cuisine tonight for dinner and then Monday/Tuesday shakes..Wednesday is the surgery..
This whole thing (the past two days) have been so emotional and upsetting to me.. I was questioning my choice to have the band .. my lack of control over needing food vs. shakes..and could I even do this..
My husband has been great and he's told me a number of times how well I've done and that he wouldn't have lasted one day ;0)
All the planning/thinking about it/waiting and waiting..did not prepare me for feeling so unsure of myself and decisions..
I hope after Wednesday I can put this dreaded 11days behind me and feel like a semi-stronger person..
Thanks again for the love yesterday .. I know nobody else can understand half of what I'm saying other than you peeps..