waaa waaa waahhh...
bandster hell is not a fun place to be .. and i've been trying so hard to stay on track with a few minor slip ups.. (a cookie here and a cookie there.. in my mouth) ..
today i had two squares of thin crust pizza (with chicken on top) and a mini cheese cake the size of my palm .. i'm feeling so bleh ..and full to the brim.. like I just ate thanksgiving dinner.. and it's almost been an hour since I ate..
i taped the biggest loser last night and i'm watching it this afternoon.. and someone (forgetting who..) was talking about daris and how he 'sabotaged' himself before the weigh in .. and that's almost how i'm feeling right now..
i've been so caught up in the fact that my *one month* with Leenah<---my band..is coming up on friday ..and i'm so close to losing 10lb ..but more than likely i'll be at an 8lb loss..that it's almost like saying to myself:
hey ..your not going to make that 10lb mark.. nice try ..but maybe some other time .. so you want that pizza.. go eat it .. and your full.. but want that cheesecake ..why don't you go for that too..
what the heck.. these are the time that i feel that i'm going to rock this band..
and it's so crazy because the other part of me .. knows i have rocked this band so far.. i've lost 25lbs since the first of the year.. and that's given me some self confidence back .. some energy back ..and a few NSV to feel good about..
i'm so hard on myself..and i'm trying to work on that .. because it doesn't do positive things for me.. it pushes me backwards ..and that's the opposite of where i want to be..
i'm going to go to the gym in an hour .. (third time this week..) and then i have to go out and help a new mama with her brand new baby.. so i'll bring a protein shake for dinner..
and i'll just hope and pray that i haven't fallen to far off the losing path..